Puttin' on the Mitzvah

This past weekend Mrs. Pink & I had a great time at a bat mitzvah. A bat mitzvah is the jewish equivalent of confirmation, except entering adulthood is a lot more work for a jewish kid than it is for a goy like me.

For example, to be confirmed there are only two words you have to say: your confirmation name, and "amen", and I'm not even sure about the "amen" part. Nobody but the bishop can hear you so if you somehow manage to screw up, no big deal. Conversely, to be mitzvah'd (if that's even a word) you must read passages from the torah, which is written in hebrew, using correct pronounciation and pitch, in front of the entire congregation. A torah is a huge scroll which looks like it weighs 25 pounds. It takes two other people to roll it under the reader's eyes. Even if the torah were in english on a teleprompter, I don't think I could do it.

Which is probably why the bat mitzvah party consisted of two catered receptions in two days, with open bar, free valet parking, a DJ, an MC, four dancers, two photographers, a videographer, a roving magician, a production number featuring the guest of honor and her family, with four flat-panel monitors showing highlights of the party as they happened; while my confirmation party involved a six foot hero and Charles Chips.