Slobs

I am somewhat of a car nut. I like to keep my cars clean and new-looking. It doesn't take much effort really, just wax them twice a year, wash off bird shit immediately, wipe down the interior with a damp rag every so often, and no eating or drinking in the car.

Yesterday I had to swap vehicles with my sister-in-law because she was taking all the cousins to an amusement park and they all wouldn't fit in her minivan. Her minivan is barely a year old yet looks like it's been driven to the moon and back - to pick up garbage. It was on "E" and the inspection sticker was expired.

So I shouldn't have been surprised when she returned my truck with 32 oz of Coca Cola seeping into my leather seats & console.

Satan, thy name be texting

A few months ago I changed cell phone carriers and went from having three separate cell phones, each with its own plan, to a single family plan with shared minutes. I figured it would save us about $50 a month.

This might have been the case had I not succumbed to the seemingly innocent request by my 16 year old stepdaughter to let her have an LG "The V" phone. It's one of those phones where the top flips open to reveal a tiny QWERTY keyboard - kind of a dumbed-down Blackberry.

The first month she rang up $120 in text messaging overages. While this was somewhat disturbing, I told her it was fine as long as she paid for the overages, which she did.

Next month she rang up $320 in texting and ringtone downloads. She paid $30 from leftover birthday money, and assured me her next few babysitting jobs would pay for the rest. I assured her that if she didn't pay the bill her phone would be cut off.

Just so you know, a 16 year old girl would rather have her arm cut off than her cell phone. I was sure she'd find a way to pay the bill and curb her texting usage.

Next month's bill brings another $360 in texting and ringtone overages. She has no money, so I cut her phone off. That costs me another $175 in early termination fees. These phones are going for $200-$300 on eBay so I decide to auction it off to recoup some of the cash.

Before selling the phone, I had to clear it out. Before clearing it out, I decide to see what all these frigging text messages are.

I find out she has been doing threesomes with a guy and a girl in her 10th grade class.

Great. Not only is my cell phone bill now more than my electric bill, someone in my house is having threesomes, and it's not me.